she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
