Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When are your genitals available?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
