the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
