Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
