Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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