he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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