it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
