He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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