if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
