Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
