I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
