God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
