First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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