Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
