Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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