It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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