My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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