just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
