I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
