in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
