We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
