Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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