"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ttyl tear gas
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
