All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
