i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
