I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
