Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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