Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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