I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
