we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
