Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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