New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
