TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
