thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
