i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
