R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
