The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
