I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
