She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize