she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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