I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
