oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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