DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
