p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
