no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
