i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
