Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
