Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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