I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
