i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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