I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
