Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
