Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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