The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
